A day I fear the most is slowly approaching. The pressure of being the best and the constant thought of "what if I didn’t do well enough" are all rotating in my brain. Like the wind is slowly pushing me towards the end of a cliff — a constant reminder that I will fall right through it if I don’t feel satisfied.
I fear that once I open my report cards full of remarks and reflections — there lies a teardrop of misery, an emotion I can not describe, a sudden glimpse of what I could’ve been.
I’m worried that when my name is called on stage, they will announce a rank that I neither expected nor wanted to achieve.
As I congratulate all my friends, I express bittersweet feelings of envy because I fear they got higher grades than me.
All these constant thoughts are a sign of pure hatred within myself and the constant pressure that my parents put me through. As I stared at my reflection amidst the darkness — I saw a light of hope. Maybe my worth isn’t defined by all my passing grades or how high my ranking is. Maybe life is more than the scores on your test and the validation you received from it.
I am in the process of realizing that my happiness is not solely determined by my academic achievements. I am confident that there is more to me than just grades, and I am eager to embrace my true identity beyond academic success.
-A.L ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚
