Oftentimes, I find myself on the verge of ending it all and dying. That’s the best part of death — it’s all done, sealed for eternity. I want to be free. Free from the thoughts that haunt me at night. Free from traumatic incidents that tore me apart. Free from hurtful things in this hurtful world. I just want to disappear and leave no trace behind.
People come to me to vent their problems, and I respond by giving them encouragement. Advices such as: focusing on positivity rather than negativity, being more kinder to themselves, and forgiving themselves are what I often say. But why can’t I apply those to myself?
Why can’t I apply the words that I say to others to myself? Maybe life would be easier. Maybe life would be lighter. Maybe life would be nicer.. if I’ve been kinder to myself just as I was kinder to the world.
There’s so much I want to talk about. There’s so much problem I want to let go. There’s so many thoughts that I want to share. But I can’t.
I can’t.
I don’t want to be a burden, that’s why I keep it all to myself. I let hurtful thoughts drown me until I can’t breathe. I’m trying my best to fight, but maybe one day, I will suffocate to death just because I can’t bring myself to talk.
“There’s things I want to say to you, but I’ll just let you live.” -Cinnamon Girl. Lana Del Rey.
